I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
