its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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