That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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