He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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