I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize