your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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