The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
