The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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