why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
