Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
