your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
