What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
