it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize