I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
