Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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