so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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