That's intense
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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