If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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