I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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