Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
