you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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