I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
