What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
