we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
