She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
this hospital has no fireball
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
