As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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