how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
