evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize