Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
