And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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