the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize