that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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