just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
