he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
