Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize