and she was petting her beer can
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
