i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
