My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
