She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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