Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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