she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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