I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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