i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
