I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
