i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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