I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
