Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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