He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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