Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
