I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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