I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
