The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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