I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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