we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
