my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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