I think im going to throw up on grandma
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
