I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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