so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
