everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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