I heard we made out
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
