i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
