I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
