This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
