By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
