I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
