I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
