Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
