So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
