So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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